By Executive Director Claire Louge
A few months ago, I was sitting in the patient chair at the dentist, waiting for the hygienist to come in. When she arrived, she apologized for the delay and told me she’d get me out of there soon.
“Take your time,” I said, closing my eyes as she reclined the chair. “I have a two-year-old.”
“You don’t know how often I hear things like that from parents,” she laughed.
You know something is challenging when getting your teeth scraped by metal objects feels like a break.
I share this half-jokingly. It’s funny because it’s true. It’s also serious because it’s true.
Parenting is a challenge that requires unrelenting endurance, patience, self-regulation, and the constant setting aside of your own needs. That’s because children need what they need, and it’s up to parents to make sure those needs are met. But what happens when there are multiple, competing needs? Or when something happens and a parent literally cannot set aside their own needs?
After all, if you ignore a need for long enough, it doesn’t go away. It transforms into a problem you can’t ignore.
Don’t get me wrong – I think parenting is a joy, and I know I am lucky in many ways. But you can both understand your privilege and acknowledge where you’re struggling. You can understand where you’re lucky and point out where things are going wrong. You can be grateful and frustrated.
When I talk about parenting with other parents, there’s a current that often runs through our conversations. That current is a nagging feeling that this is not how it’s supposed to be. This can’t be how it’s supposed to be. The cost and availability of childcare. The cost and availability of everything we need, actually. The lack of paid leave to care for children. The pace of life. The expectations. The exhaustion. The isolation.
The way it works isn’t working. Our society isn’t organized to make parenting, and all it takes to meet the needs of children, possible. And that’s causing a lot of problems.
Last month, the Surgeon General issued a national advisory declaring parental stress a public health issue.
It doesn’t need to be this way. Just because it’s been this way doesn’t mean it needs to stay this way. This is the call to action to change things.
We need to make raising children in a safe and stable environment possible - for all parents. That doesn’t mean it will ever be easy, but we cannot make it impossible to support a family and then blame parents for failing to do the impossible.
The data shows how much it will benefit you, and me, and us, to invest in childcare, parental leave, and resources that support family health and stability.
But we don’t even need to consult the abundant data. Just ask a stressed parent. We’re everywhere.
It doesn’t need to be this way. We can change it.
One of the best ways to do that is to contact your representatives to share your support of bills that benefit children and families. You can do that right now by asking our Senators to support the Protecting America’s Children by Strengthening Families Act.